Wedding gift sparks etiquette war between brides and guest

A Canadian couple unhappy with one of their gifts has sparked an etiquette war of words with their guests

A Canadian couple unhappy with one of their gifts has sparked an etiquette war of words with their guests

A disgruntled Canadian couple has sparked a global wedding etiquette war after reprimanding two of their guests for “being so cheap and embarrassing” with their gift, a lovingly collected food hamper.

The ordeal started the day after the same-sex wedding when the guest, who wishes to remain anonymous, received a text from one of the brides asking if he and his girlfriend had a receipt for the hamper.

He told The Hamilton Spectator, “As a gift, my girlfriend and I gave them a wicker box with a hinged lid, filled with food items, most of them PC Black Label, including: tri-color pasta, salsas, Balsamic vinegar and Olive, Gourmet croutons, Panko Breading, Pesto, some baking ingredients, Biscuits from Godiva and a few ‘Fun’ items like Marshmallow Fluff, Sour Patch Kids and Butterscotch sauce.

On the card we wrote “Life is delicious….Enjoy

The guest tells the online news outlet that he received a text from bride No.1 the next day saying “Heyyy I just wanna say thanks for the gift but unfortunately I can’t eat any of it lol I’m gluten intolerant. Do u maybe have a receipt”

Despite being a little flummoxed, he replied diplomatically, “Ahh sh*t! Really!? “We had a great time. Thank you again for allowing us to be a part of the celebration.”

He thought that was the end of it, but the next morning, he received another message from bride No.2 saying: “Hey (guest’s name) it’s (Bride 1’s) wife Laura. I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday. I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding… People give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate… And got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads up for the future 🙂 “

Understandably, by now, the guest is not happy and responded by replying:  “Hi , I want to tell you how incredibly insulted I am in both of the messages you have sent me over the last two days.”(Bride No.1), I am sorry that you have intolerance to Gluten, I am sure that makes life difficult at times. However, to ask for a receipt is unfathomable. In fact it was incredibly disrespectful. It was the rudest gesture I have encountered, or even heard of. That is until you, Laura, messaged me today.

Laura, the message you sent to me today was by far the most inconsiderate, immature, greedy, and asinine thing I have ever had the displeasure of seeing.

This is not even close to being the first wedding I have attended, and actually I have done a lot of research on wedding etiquette, a step in the process the two of you clearly skipped over (clearly displayed by Laura chewing gum, like a cow does hay, while walking down the aisle). Here is some help for you..just a heads up for the future.

The Bride’s Etiquette Guide: Etiquette Made Easy, Second Edition. Here is the link.

Too bad you didn’t read this, or any other etiquette guide prior to your “big day”. In respect to this particular topic, I would turn your attention to pages 147-149. I am sure you will not bother to follow this link, so I will fill you in. Not only is it wrong to have an expectation of any sort of gift, it is the ultimate insult to your family and friends to mention a gift of monetary value at all, let alone be so boorish to message someone with your disappointment in said gift. Also, you should never host a party that you cannot afford, or expect your guests to pay for it. On that note, I seriously doubt that you had an expense of $100/plate. If you did, you were taken for a ride.

In retrospect, this is the exact style of behavior I should have expected from the two of you, when you used the gift card donated to your doe and doe for a personal date night, then had the gall to ask your server for the “friends and family discount”.

I’m sure that one, or the two of you will mature, and grow into adults who will take a different, more respectful, LOVE based approach when you invite guests to your next wedding.”

At this point I thought we were done….Boy was I wrong”

 The food hamper at the centre of a war of words between the bridal couple and their guest.Image: The Hamilton Spectator

The food hamper at the centre of a war of words between the bridal couple and their guest.Image: The Hamilton Spectator

Believe it or not, things got worse from there and Laura replied: “Again… Out of 210 people at a wedding… The only I gift I got from all was yours… And fluffy whip and sour patch kids. Your Facebook message had nothing to do with the gift. Weddings are to make money for your future.. Not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago! You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue. To be exact the plates were $97 a person… But thanks again for the $30 gift basket my wife can’t even eat. If anything you should be embarrassed for being so cheap and embarrassing yourself walking in with a gift basket probably re gifted cheap ass.”

Again.. Out of 210 people, you were the talk and laugh of the whole wedding!!!! Worst gift ever story Is being passed along to everyone!! How about you tell people what you gave as a 2 person gift to a wedding and see what normal functioning people say about it!! Do a survey with people u know… And tell me what 100% of them tell you!! Wake up dude”

The dialogue, which took place in both text and on Facebook, goes back and forth several more times (you can read the entire transcript at The Hamilton Spectator’s website) and has sparked fierce debate about the proper etiquette around what should and what should not be said about one’s wedding gifts.

It turns out that of all the guests invited, the hamper couple were one of only two guests who didn’t give at least $150 cash and the other couple gave some cash in addition to a gift.

The 63 pages of comments made on the story range from full support for the guests and derision at the brides’ ungracious responses to those siding with the newlyweds “because it is tough to have to take a worldwide public flogging.”

What do you think? Is a wedding about recouping the cost of your guests’ attendance? Does the cost/size etc of the gift matter or is it about the thought and effort behind the gift?

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