Every couple has their deal-breakers. These are things you wouldn’t accept from your partner or they from you. They’re things that you draw the line at and decide to put an end to the relationship. You’ve probably got a few personal ones and maybe others that you’ve come up with as a couple.
If you’re uncertain about where the boundaries in your relationship lie, then you really have to have a discussion with your partner. Knowing where you both stand and what your limits are will help you to have a healthier and stronger relationship. To get things started, here are the most popular deal breakers from the mouths of real couples.
Cheating is a pretty obvious deal-breaker to most people who are in exclusive relationships. If you’re in an open or polyamorous relationship, then being with other people is going to be looked at differently. Cheating can be anything from physically cheating on your partner to emotionally cheating on them by becoming invested in another person. The idea behind cheating is that it’s about betrayal. It’s about keeping something from your partner and doing something that you know could potentially hurt that person you care about. Many couples just don’t tolerate cheating and feel that it is an instant cause for breaking up.
Not letting me put my child or pet first
Now to some this might sound a little strange but plenty of couples feel that they need to their pet or their children before their partner. Of course, this all depends on the situation. Some people already have pets and children before they enter a relationship and so they simply have to come first. For others, as soon as they become a parent, that child will always be first priority. If a partner didn’t understand or respect these needs, then it would be a deal-breaker.
For some couples the occasional bit of drug use is fine. For others, using drugs is in the same vein as cheating or lying. This can be because the partner doing drugs is not being truthful about their drug use. It can also be because the other partner can see some worrying behaviours beginning to occur that may lead to a full-blown addiction. Even if the drug use is not the thing you have a problem with, keeping something from a partner is the real issue here. Sneaking around to fund a drug habit when money is needed for important things you share as a couple like a mortgage can be a serious deal-breaker in many relationships.
Rude to customer service workers
When you see a partner being rude to customer service workers it can be a huge deal-breaker for many people. Of course, it all depends on the situation (like maybe that barman was rude to you), but outright rudeness for no apparent reason is always a major warning sign. Kindness is a beautiful trait that everyone deserves to see in their partner. If they’re being rude to the wait-staff, do you think you’ll be spared? Definitely not.
Violence in general
Exhibiting signs of violence in any way whether it be to other people or to an animal, is a serious deal-breaker for many people. Someone having a hot head doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ll bring that behaviour home with them, but it does show that they’ve got some deep seeded anger issues that are not going to add anything healthy to the relationship. Violence should be kept in martial arts classes or in the boxing ring.
On different pages
A big one for most people is being on different pages to their partner. A relationship involves making a lot of joint decisions. You choose if and where you want to buy a house. You decide whether or not to have kids. You make a lot of decisions with your partner and if you’re in completely different places on certain things like when to settle down for example, you can both see it as a deal-breaker. This is one of those deal-breakers where it’s not anyone’s fault. Sometimes the timing for certain relationships is off and no matter how much love is there, you might just be on completely different pages to make the relationship work.
Controlling or manipulative
Being controlling or manipulative in a relationship is something that many people can’t handle. Some partners are a little controlling in things like diet. Others are too controlling by telling their partner how to dress, how to spend their time and how to spend or not spend their money. Being manipulative is in the same boat. If these traits are not your favourite, then they could certainly be deal-breakers for you and your partner.
People using ultimatums to get what they want from their partner show immaturity. For many couples this is not a behaviour they want in their partner. They want someone who will approach problems with maturity rather than will silly ultimatums.
Similar to being on different pages with your partner, not sharing similar financial goals can be hugely detrimental to any relationship. Having a partner that likes to spend money if you’re committed to saving will make your relationship very challenging long term. For some, this kind of behaviour can be worked on, for others it’s a deal-breaker.
This is a big one with pretty much all couples. You need your partner to respect your family alongside your friendships. Partners who try to stifle friendships or who steal away their partner from their family can end up isolating their partner too much which in the long run, isn’t healthy.
If you haven’t known your partner for long, then you may not know if they’ve got any derogatory opinions on people who are different from them. Being racist, homophobic, sexist etc. are all huge flaws that many people would consider one of the biggest deal-breakers. Judging other people isn’t nice and most people won’t stand for it.
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