Fairytales would have us believe that you will know who you are destined to be with the moment your eyes lock with theirs. But the reality is that some relationships are more of a slow burn and are built on more of an emotional connection than a physical one.
No matter which category your relationship falls into, there are some easy signs to look for, as well as some scientific ones if you prefer hard evidence, that can help you to tell if you are with ‘the one’.
You don’t have to put up a front
Remember that relationship where you pretended to like getting up at the crack of dawn to be in the great outdoors when really all you wanted to do on a Saturday morning was sleep in and have breakfast in bed while watching Netflix?
Clearly, you were not being you and this is never a sustainable way to be in a long term relationship. That’s not to say your partner can’t love doing different things to what you do, they will just have an understanding that you may not wish to join them on a sunrise hike up a mountain as you have another season of Pretty Little Liars to binge on.
If you can be you, and they can be them, you are already compatible.
You complement each other’s personalities
You may have noticed your outgoing nature is the polar opposite of your partner’s more reserved nature and has encouraged them out of their shell more, while they have reigned you in slightly. But you don’t have to be complete opposites to be a perfect match.
For those who like to base things off research, you could take a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test to determine your personality types (if you feel the need to do this, you most likely fall into the Analysts category).
The test is based on Carl Jung’s theory of psychological type and is measured in four key areas; where you focus your attention, the way you take in information, how you make decisions and how you deal with the world.
The test results have an area dedicated to romance and can tell you more about the type of relationship you will seek out based on your personality type. If your partner also takes the test, you can see how well matched you are.
You have similar morals and values
So much of how we interact with other people on a daily basis is formed by what we believe in, how we see the world and the things that we treasure the most.
Someone that is focused on power and success would find it hard to be compatible with someone who is a free spirit and places no value on material things.
You can quickly determine where you both stand on the major things in life and can often work through some of the smaller things through compromise and understanding. But having a strong foundation of shared morals and values is a great way to determine your compatibility.
You speak the same love language
Dr Gary Chapman has paved the way in helping couples to determine what their personal love language is. In a nutshell, this is how you prefer to give and receive love.
There is also a handy quiz you can take to find out what your love language is.
- Using words of affirmation, like hearing ‘I love you’ often.
- Spending quality time together and feeling like your partner is always there for you.
- Receiving gifts.
- Acts of service, like lending a hand to help them get through the every day as well as any rough patches.
- Physical touch, not just rolling in the hay, but also holding hands, kissing and lots of hugs.
Rather than finding a perfect match in your love language, the quiz is a way for you to understand what your partner’s preferences are if they are different to your own. This will help you to build a stronger relationship.
You can sit in silence
This is an old test and one that has stood the test of time. If you can sit with your partner and just be, without feeling the urge to say something, anything, to break the silence, then you have found the one.
This is all about knowing each other well enough that you can just enjoy each other’s company and not have to feel like you have to be constantly engaged with one another.
If you’re reading this and you have realise how in love you are and want to be with your person forever regardless of how opposite you are, then that’s okay too. Some things really are meant to be.