Real brides: what the first year of marriage is really like

Once the high of the wedding day is over, it’s time to adjust into the very serious life of a married couple. And while it can be fun, it can also come as a shock, even if you have lived together beforehand. There’s something abour marriage that changes your relationship but also how others look at you.

We asked brides across the country what the first year of marriage is really like and some of their responses were quite surprising.

“I got a real high dropping the words ‘my husband’ into sentences”

Jason and I had lived together for two years before we got married but I always used to refer to him as my partner which I didn’t really like. After we were married, I loved referring to him as my husband and in the first year couldn’t do it without cracking a great big smile. It think it created a bond and connection between us that we never had when we were just living together as ‘partners’. We’ve been married five years and, to be truthful, it’s worn off now.

“It was so much fun but also very hard”

Something happened to us after we had a marriage certificate in our hands. I think we just realised that we were together for life and that we couldn’t just walk out and
cut ties the moment things got hard and that we were legally bound together. We loved knowing that we were joined as one and it made things so much more fun. It was
like we had nothing to lose and were all-in so. It was never like that before we got married. Suddenly, we were one unit and stronger for it. We felt invincible most of the time but on the other hand knowing we couldn’t just walk away meant we had to tough it out during the bad times. That first year of learning both those lessons was not easy.

“Our first fight was awful”

I remember our first fight and it made me really scared. It was on our honeymoon and I think it was over something silly like which side of the bed he would sleep on. We hadn’t lived together before and we’d been staying at his place and mine so we had our sides of our beds at our own places but once we had to share a bed that was ‘ours’ it was all bets off. He and I wanted to same side of the bed and we had a huge fight about it. I was actually scared for my marriage. It was like it was going to break us but it didn’t. We did lots of bickering in the first year but in that first year you iron out the big things so that the second and third year are much easier but it’s scary at first, even if the make-up sex was fantastic.

“We got really close”

It’s one thing to have sex with someone but farting and going to the toilet in front of someone is a bit of a shock to the system. No matter how much you may try, there’s no way to hide these normal body functions from someone you’re sharing a bed with or a bathroom or a life with. There’s no hiding your daily habits from someone you’re living with and they get to know you very well in a way and with a closeness that you may not have known you before.

“We felt really old”

I was only 26 when I got married and my hubby was 28 but the minute we got married we suddenly felt really, really old. That first year of marriage, we had to keep telling ourselves we’re married and grown up and have to be responsible. It was very strange and we felt a lot older that we had ever felt before.

“We got really organised with our routine”

Even though we had lived together briefly, we still had very separate lives that were a little disjointed. We did consult each other and catch up lots but we lived separate but together lives. After we were married, we were suddenly a team and it was like being in the army. Everything became about ‘us’ and we fell into this routine in the first year. I think our body clocks adjusted to one another and we even started getting sleepy around the same time and automatically factoring the other person into our daily routine. Three years later, it’s like clockwork but it was fun ‘discovering’ each other during that first year of marriage.

“We were really adventurous in the bedroom and had lots of sex”

We’ve been married now for about ten years and sex has become fairly routine and predictable and doesn’t happen as often as I’d like though we do try to spice things up occasionally. In that first year, however, we were crazy. We had sex everywhere and anywhere and we did lots of fun things that would make our friends go red in the face or tell us to ‘get a room’. It was fantastic. Maybe it’s because we were newlyweds or maybe it’s because we were ten years younger, but that first year was the best of our (sex) life!

“At times, I wondered if I had made a terrible mistake”

There’s something very scary about not being able to leave and there were many times when I wished I hadn’t gotten married or that I could run away but you can’t once you’re married and that can be a scary thing to adjust to. It took me a lot more than a year. I think I wasn’t really settled with the commitment for about two and a half years. By then it was normal and I wasn’t constantly wishing I could leave. There was nothing wrong with my hubby but knowing I couldn’t just up and leave was scary at first especially when we had a big fight. Now, I couldn’t’ imagine not living without him but at the beginning it was very confronting and took a long time to get used to. You don’t just magically have a wonderful time. Well, I didn’t but I do know lots of people who do.

“His bad habits suddenly became really annoying”

My hubby is really witty and in small doses it’s endearing and even charming but during our first year of marriage having to hear it all day, every day, it became really annoying. REALLY annoying! There were times when he’d say something witty and, after the first ten of the day, I’d want to tell him to shut it but I couldn’t. All those cute things that once attracted you suddenly don’t seem so cute but once you’re used to being married and being in such close quarters as another human being, you learn to love the other person in a different way that is much deeper and I eventually found a way from annoyance back to love again. Though I do tell him to shut it sometimes!