Do you need to invite your toxic family members to your wedding?

Weddings are emotional for everyone involved. You may be thinking about all the people that you should invite, and considering extending the invitation to toxic family members just because you feel obligated to let them attend. Here’s our take on whether or not you should invite those people who probably don’t deserve it:

Whether it’s your mum, grandparent, dad, uncle or a longtime friend who is the toxic culprit, you may be plagued with mixed feelings about inviting them. On one hand, wouldn’t it be nice that they were there to support you on your special day, regardless of the past? On the other hand, what if they make it all about them? What if they bring up old feelings, old events, or make a fool of you on your wedding day? What if they drink too much, make an impromptu speech? These are all things to consider before extending that invitation.

Here are a few cases when it’s better to leave them off of the guest list and move on:

If they don’t support you and your spouse:

If they don’t approve of your relationship and will make that clear at the wedding, then it may be worth reconsidering their invite. If they agree to not make a fuss, smile and behave, then maybe it’d be okay to still invite them, but tread carefully. Especially if…

It’ll make you or your partner uncomfortable or on edge:

If you’re spending the whole day on edge, worried about what the person will do, say or if they will make you or your spouse awkward, then it’s probably not worth inviting them!

If you don’t actually have a relationship with them:

If you haven’t spoken to them in years, then why should they be invited to your wedding? Just because they’re family, doesn’t mean they should automatically be extended an invitation. Many couples opt not to include their estranged parents for this reason – if you wouldn’t invite a “friend” who you haven’t seen for 10 years, then why not apply the same logic to your family?

If you’re paying for your wedding:

If you’re footing the bill, then that’s even more reason not to invite anyone that you truly don’t want there. If your parents are helping pay and they want to invite Aunt Hilda, then you may feel more obligated to do so.

Create a list of your guests using the free guestlist tool here.