Posted in Wedding Expert Advice | 4 November, 2013
My father had an affair and is now marrying the woman he left my mother for. He wants me to be a bridesmaid and I really don’t want to. I feel like I’m betraying my mother. What should I do?
Oh, dear! What an awkward position to find yourself in.
The best solution in predicaments such as this one is 100% honesty.
If your father feels comfortable enough to ask you to be in his wife-to-be’s bridal party, then you obviously have a good relationship and that’s a good thing that your father-daughter bond has been preserved.
However, it’s doubtful that he expects you to be overjoyed by the request and probably took quite a gamble asking you in the first place.
If you don’t wish to be in the bridal party, tell him why you are uncomfortable with the request. I’m sure he will understand why you feel the way you do and will appreciate you letting him down honestly and gently without insulting him, his future bride or his past choices.
You have to be true to your feelings and, understandably, you’re torn between your feelings for your father and your mother. You haven’t said how long ago this happened or how your mother reacted (though, I expect she’s not thrilled at the impending nuptials) but you should speak to her, too. She may not want you to pull out on her behalf and she may not feel that you would be betraying her by being by your father’s side on the day.
If you do decline, it has to be because you want to decline. Of course, if you are dead against being a bridesmaid for your Dad’s new wife irrespective of your Mother’s feelings, then you should absolutely decline.
The other option, if you wish to attend, just just not as a bridesmaid is, again, to explain to your father that you would like to attend and support him, but that you don’t feel comfortable being part of the bridal party.
What do you think this distraught daughter should do?