I feel like a horrible person. I love my fiance but I absolutely loathe the engagement ring he gave me. It’s not about the cost or size of the ring, it’s about how it looks. It’s ugly. I simply cannot wear this for the rest of my life. What should I do?
You’re not horrible at all. Not everybody instantly loves their engagement ring, however, many people certainly grow to love it, purely because of the sentimental value. After all, their fiance choose it specifically for them, usually with great love – and excitement.
But, let’s face it, not every bloke is savvy enough to know what his fiancee-to-be’s favourite food is, let alone what her ideal engagement ring would look like and there are plenty of reasons not to like a ring. Its setting may be too high; it may be too big for your little fingers or too small for your big fingers. Perhaps it’s too modern and you’re a vintage-look type gal – or vice versa?
The problem is, you don’t want to wound him, potentially deeply, simply because you don’t like the ring.
Imagine if it’s a family heirloom or something he designed himself specifically with you in mind?
At the end of the day, it’s a physical object and, though it’s supposed to be a symbol of his love, it’s his love that really matters. You need to weigh up whether your need to like your ring is greater than your desire to potentially wound him. Hopefully, he’s done the same in choosing the ring and considered what style of engagement ring you’d like over what he thinks looks nice or what he would like you to wear.
I know plenty of people who’ve hated their engagement rings (or wished they could accidentally lose it), but after some time, they’ve grown to love it and, if given the choice years or even months later, they wouldn’t swap it for the Koh-i-noor!
That said, an if you instantly know you won’t ever love it and if you really, really, really won’t be able to hold your tongue, think about what you dislike about your ring.
Is it the stone or the setting? Is it the size? Perhaps it’s the style? Think outside the square. Would taking the stone he chose out and putting it in a setting that suits you better help? Perhaps changing the stone and keeping the setting is the solution? At least that way, he’ll feel like you didn’t absolutely hate his choice of ring and liked something about it.
But, of course, you know your fiance best and, really, your solution depends on your relationship with him. If you know he’s the tough, practical type who’d rather you have a ring you absolutely love, then tell him as tactfully as you can. He’ll probably appreciate your honesty and be happy to change it over.
If, however, he’s a little more sensitive and you know full well he would be wounded irreparably, but you also know you absolutely cannot bear to wear the ring for the rest of your days – and probably won’t be able to help it slipping out during your next row, you could always misplace it, permanently.
It’s a last resort, especially since honesty is generally always the best policy, but in truth, the answer comes down to your relationship with your beau and how honest you feel (or know) you can be with him regarding his choice in rings.
Ideally, he’s as open to hearing the truth as you are to comfortable telling him the truth!
PS: We were definitely impressed with our blogger Jared’s solution to this problem. He bought a temporary ring for the proposal, then went shopping with his gal Jess for the ‘forever’ engagement ring.
What do you think? Did you love your ring? Did you hate it? If you hated it, what did you do? Say something or keep quiet?